Hooligan
10-27-2004, 12:14 AM
1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.
2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.
3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)
4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.
5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose.
6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the air force who out-rank me.
7. Being an adult and having somebody inspecting me everyday to make sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.
8. Having to wear a "cover" or hat, every time I want to go outside.
9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until eitherthe paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.
10. Without the air force's influence and good teaching, I would never have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours.
11. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can.
12. Even though we can deploy and be in Mogadishu within 48 hours it takes finance 3 weeks to fix your paycheck when the computer randomly selects you to get Airman Basic pay.
13. Getting to pick out my clothes whenever I'm not at work.
14. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled "not fit for human consumption" and "for institutional use only."
15. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life.
16. Waking up every morning and going to "staff meeting" where a piece of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.
17. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.
18. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's.
19. Ever try and put in your 30 days notice?
20. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.
21. No matter how many water safety briefings I get they'll still send me to the desert.
22. I hate good food.
23. I love the "you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.
24. I hate spending time with my family.
25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.
26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into my e-mail and stealing all of these jokes.
27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.
28. For the last time! Would someone please tell me where the local area ends?
29. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?
30. Is that local time or Zulu?
31. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I don't pay my bills.
32. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.
33. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every year only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old Senior NCO.
34. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?
35. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.
36. Because only during magic shows and air force working hours are the rules of logic suspended.
37. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted by accumulating points from not getting promoted.
38. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice medicine that didn't even graduate from high school?
39. Where else can you get your teeth drilled and fucked up by those same people even though you've never had a cavity?
40. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that the air force will do everything it can to make that impossible.
41. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eyes checked out and have the tech point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."
42. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?
43. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the AIR FORCE WAY?
44. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm, even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every FUCKING DAY...it builds character.
45. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?
2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.
3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)
4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.
5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose.
6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the air force who out-rank me.
7. Being an adult and having somebody inspecting me everyday to make sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.
8. Having to wear a "cover" or hat, every time I want to go outside.
9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until eitherthe paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.
10. Without the air force's influence and good teaching, I would never have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours.
11. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can.
12. Even though we can deploy and be in Mogadishu within 48 hours it takes finance 3 weeks to fix your paycheck when the computer randomly selects you to get Airman Basic pay.
13. Getting to pick out my clothes whenever I'm not at work.
14. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled "not fit for human consumption" and "for institutional use only."
15. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life.
16. Waking up every morning and going to "staff meeting" where a piece of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.
17. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.
18. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's.
19. Ever try and put in your 30 days notice?
20. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.
21. No matter how many water safety briefings I get they'll still send me to the desert.
22. I hate good food.
23. I love the "you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.
24. I hate spending time with my family.
25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.
26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into my e-mail and stealing all of these jokes.
27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.
28. For the last time! Would someone please tell me where the local area ends?
29. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?
30. Is that local time or Zulu?
31. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I don't pay my bills.
32. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.
33. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every year only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old Senior NCO.
34. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?
35. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.
36. Because only during magic shows and air force working hours are the rules of logic suspended.
37. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted by accumulating points from not getting promoted.
38. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice medicine that didn't even graduate from high school?
39. Where else can you get your teeth drilled and fucked up by those same people even though you've never had a cavity?
40. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that the air force will do everything it can to make that impossible.
41. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eyes checked out and have the tech point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."
42. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?
43. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the AIR FORCE WAY?
44. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm, even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every FUCKING DAY...it builds character.
45. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?