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3043
04-13-2006, 10:15 PM
Today I was born.

Today someone died.

Today someone else will live.

I rarely go to work on particular days of the year. Early in my career I learned that my capacity to care and be compassionate has limits. My birthday isn’t usually a day I stay away from the hospital. I don’t know if I should have taken special consideration for today.


A few days ago a house fire broke out. A mother died in an effort to save the youngest, (18 months old), of her children. Everyone else lived but the 18 month old’s body was broken and not long for this world.


Today I was born.

Today a father made a brave and terrible choice.

Today I bore witness to death, hope and the greatness of man.




Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there…" Abraham traveled to remote Moriah and built a funeral pyre. He drew his knife and prepared to kill his only sone.

But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven,
"Abraham! Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.
"Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."



No angel appeared today that I could see or at least needed to see and a son was sacrificed.
The father in question chose to donate what organs of his son’s were still in shape to help other people. He had already chosen the same fate for his wife’s body a few days earlier. The pain and suffering he endured in front of me is beyond my comprehension.



Things did not go smoothly, however, from the medical or the family end.



While the man had a close relationship with his in-laws they tried to bully him into not “pulling the plug” on Micheal. The relatives lived in another county, about 20 minutes away. The father had decided that his son’s body would be made to suffer no longer than until 3:00pm. In front of me and in no uncertain terms he told the family members be here by three or you will miss his passing.


At 2:59pm they were still not here. They were calling from a cell phone saying they weren’t even in the car yet. This was after many calls from the father pleading that the leave and be here. He had been on and off the phone at least 10 times prior to this last call.


It turned out the errant family members were actually in the lobby of the hospital and when they were convinced he couldn’t be swayed they came charging upstairs to the ped’s unit. Sadness of unimaginable proportions ensued before me.

On the medical end we dealt with several horrific issues. First, the only surgeon available to “harvest” the organs had been operating all night and had another long case scheduled for tonight. Even in the number 2 or 3 hospital for organ donation in NJ he was the ONLY available person. He reluctantly agreed.



No, you can't always get what you want…
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need



Second, the baby’s body was in such bad shape that he could only donate his kidneys. In adult donations the kidneys go to separate recipients. With babies the kidneys must go together; young Michael’s sacrifice would result in only one other life saved. In a complete adult donation up to seven people can be saved from death plus countless others can benefit from other tissue besides the liver, pancreas, kidney one, kidney two, heart, lungs and parts of the bowel. Michael’s life was an even exchange instead of the usual one sacrifice equaling multiple miracles.

Finally, and most difficult of all was that this donation was to be “DCD” or (D)onation after (C)ardiac (D)eath. A common misconception that has been slow to clear is that after someone dies the organs are excised for donation. This is not technically true. In order for the organs to be used the body of the patient must still be alive. All hospitals have their own standard for brain death above state and federal requirements and before a DCD can be done brain death must be proved. Then the body is kept alive while the surgeons collect the various organs in a particular pattern. Technically, the surgeons kill the patient although the patient is already brain dead.

DCD’s are never easy on anyone. Today was no exception. When dad pulled the plug at 3pm the baby stopped breathing. He lay there like a vibrant but dead thing. The body was prepped for surgery and returned to the ventilator so that all the organs might keep working. By 3:20pm he was rolled into the OR.
The family had already left – the father was the first to go crying silently as he went.

The surgeon who didn’t want to do this today took his first look at the boy as the body entered the OR suite. Before he made the first incision he turned to the nurse standing next to me and said,

“What is this boy’s name?”

“Michael” replied the scrub nurse.

The doctor looked down into the toddlers face intently.

“Michael,” said the surgeon. “Michael, Michael I am so very, very sorry.”




No, you can't always get what you want…
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need


Sweating in my scrubs and hidden behind my mask, under my hairnet and other OR accoutrements 3043 cried and cried.



All my bags are packed
I’m ready to go
I’m standin’ here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin’
It’s early morn
The taxi’s waitin’
He’s blowin’ his horn
Already I’m so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
because I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing
Ev’ry place I go, I’ll think of you
Ev’ry song I sing, I’ll sing for you
When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
because I’m leavin’ on a jet plane

L1veUndead
04-13-2006, 10:35 PM
Damn.

Thats all I can really say to sum up what you just described. In all honesty I could never do what you do. I get frightened at my own sickness and insecurities let alone watching other people. Something like that would have really fucked me up.

Sorry to hear about the whole ordeal and im sorry for what the family, child, doctors, nurses, staff, and you must have went through.

3043
04-13-2006, 11:29 PM
Damn.

Thats all I can really say to sum up what you just described. In all honesty I could never do what you do. I get frightened at my own sickness and insecurities let alone watching other people. Something like that would have really fucked me up.

Sorry to hear about the whole ordeal and im sorry for what the family, child, doctors, nurses, staff, and you must have went through.


It's sometimes hard and sometimes intensely easy and feels so right. There are lots of jobs that I couldn't do - I just found one I'm good at and like. So I'm lucky there.

No need to feel sorry LIV, we all chose these professions conciously or unconciously and knew on some leve what we are getting into.

Today was just particularly significant...

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go

Jethro
04-13-2006, 11:54 PM
Just about every woman in my life (mom, sister, grandma, aunt, step mom, girlfriend, x-wife) is a nurse. Hell my brother in-law is also nurse along with many friends.

They have all told me that I should go into the medical field for one reason or another, but i do not have the "bed side manner needed". Im very brash when it comes to things and do not try to sugar coat things. Plus I have one hell of temper.

I do admire people who take care of other, well most of them. The ones who truelly care and 3043 you truelly care about other

Phenix
04-13-2006, 11:59 PM
I'll say the obvious once, and that's all I'll say. If anyone of you ever needs to talk, or vent, or cry, or anything, I will be always be here (we will all be here) becasue we are a family. not clan, not just gamers; we are a family

sysdaemon
04-14-2006, 07:42 AM
mwah

psychonaut13
04-14-2006, 08:54 AM
thats some hard core shit 3043.

i can't imagine being in your shoes on any day, much less a day like that. but i did want to point something out besides just to say hang in there man.

you said...
Early in my career I learned that my capacity to care and be compassionate has limits.

i'd have to disagree with this. every living thing is an inexhaustable well of loving kindness. it is this very thing that gives us the strength to do the not only less than desire but even the horrible things that we must do sometimes. I can't imagine being there, in your shoes, in your position. there are so many times that we all wish to do something that can't be done. to save some from suffering needlessly...or from their own lives.

you do it all the time. you've got all you need to make it through, so there's no need to "hang in there". you already are.

my respect, which sammie can tell you is not easily earned, goes out to you.

3043
04-14-2006, 01:50 PM
Jethro, Phenix and psychonaut,

your compassion is appreciated and deeply felt.

I just want to say that I didn't post this to drum up sympathy or respect from anyway - I did it to vent my feelings which were overrunning my cup at the time. I know that when I start hearing snatches of songs in my head its time to write my feelings down. :biggrin:


Psychonaut, your thoughts on loving kindness are insightful and very interesting to me. I think that I chose my syntax poorly - my capacity to care and be compassionate doesn't have limts I agree, but there is an emotional endurance that a feeling, living in the moment person needs to be aware of. In nine years as an ER nurse I learned to respect my boundaries and know when to recharge my batteries. So maybe it is better to say my capacity to endure or capacity to experience has limits rather than capacity to care. They are linked to each other closer but not the same thing.

I would also like to add that this "venting" achieved its goal. In just 24 hours I am ready for more. Yesterday reaffirmed some of my innermost beliefs and that is always a powerful emotional experience.

Snk
04-14-2006, 02:01 PM
Crazy stuff 30 :( we are always here to let you get your feelings out brother.

Sammie
04-14-2006, 02:17 PM
...and i thought i needed xanax for my job.....:rolleyes:

I couldnt imagine having to deal with those kinds of emotions at the work place. Much respect 3043.

sylverarrow
04-14-2006, 02:49 PM
...and i thought i needed xanax for my job.....:rolleyes:

I couldnt imagine having to deal with those kinds of emotions at the work place. Much respect 3043.
Indeed indeed.

Much much respect.

[KdK]Metalgod
04-14-2006, 06:24 PM
I was born with Spina Bifida and i just went through a terrible ordeal with my kidneys i had to goto the hospital and have iv antibiotics. It really scared me

McTucket
04-14-2006, 06:57 PM
i had sids.... but apparently i didnt die... now all i have is asthma and stuttering problems..

Sammie
04-14-2006, 08:25 PM
Metalgod']I was born with Spina Bifida and i just went through a terrible ordeal with my kidneys i had to goto the hospital and have iv antibiotics. It really scared me

I recall you going into the hospital. you let the noobs know but didnt inform us :(

I was hoping everything was ok

devil_dog
04-14-2006, 09:52 PM
3043,

In all seriousness, I cried silently reading this.

Do you mind if I forward this to some friends? Might be the best written story I've read in a long time. Thank you.

dd

[KdK]Metalgod
04-15-2006, 05:51 PM
Sorry bout that Sammie I'm doing fine now

MiddleFinger
04-16-2006, 12:43 AM
I cried. I couldn't imagine if that were me. At times when I think about "what if" I often wonder if I could go on without her. My daughter is, to me, my purpous in life now. That is not something I could live with.
Every time I read or hear about a child losing life, I cry. I think about my daughter, and until I see her, all I can think about is holding her and doing every thing I can to give her the best life I can. She's asleep now. I want to hold her but I don't want to disturb her. She had a long day picking out fish and stuff for the aquarium she got for Easter.

3043
04-16-2006, 07:37 PM
I cried. I couldn't imagine if that were me. At times when I think about "what if" I often wonder if I could go on without her. My daughter is, to me, my purpous in life now. That is not something I could live with.
Every time I read or hear about a child losing life, I cry. I think about my daughter, and until I see her, all I can think about is holding her and doing every thing I can to give her the best life I can. She's asleep now. I want to hold her but I don't want to disturb her. She had a long day picking out fish and stuff for the aquarium she got for Easter.


Wow, I feel very similar, MF. Every day with my daughter is the happiest day of my life so far, each topping the previous day. There is no time like the present and no present like time.

They are so fragile and so wholly dependent on us...and trust us with utter faith and without condition or reservation. It is...overwhelming at times but in additions to a source of purpose it expands the size of my soul something only hardship and pain used to do alone...