Snk
04-27-2006, 12:14 PM
With Sammies thread asking for things to read I thought Id put this up here. Funny rant....
well im sure this is a topic we can all relate too. Old people driving. just the thought of it makes me wanna put a cardboard cut out of the grim reaper in front of retirement homes so the old people are too scared to come out of their rooms. but unfortunitly, the damn social workers keep removing the cutouts. assholes. Sure its fun when you go there and you feel like your in the village of the living damned, whether it be the old man pooping his pants in the corner, or the old man with the 80 degree wheel chair so he's leaning back so far he cant get out, or maybe even when the old people chime in around dinner time about how to roast beef looks like their privates and how the mashpotatos look like they came from their privates. yes, the glory that is the nursing home.
Now some of you may wonder why i have a problem with old people driving. those of you who are thinking this are idiots. old people should not drive, if you cant order a pizza dont drive a car. I always find myself clenching the steering wheel, turning red, and on the verge of breaking through the glass and beating the old person with their own walker, as i watch them make a 15 minute U-turn that consists of them going forward three inches, then stopping, checking the mirrors and reversing three inches, stopping, checking the mirrors. and obviously they arent paying attention to the mirrors or they would see the line of cars stopped waiting for them to turn. at this point, probably to fine tune their concentration, they turn off the hearing aids........ brilliant. now blind and deaf the old person is more likily to avoid any accidents while continueing their three inch rampage of a U-turn. After they have finally turned the car enough where they feel they can make a clean get away you get the infamous "ok. im done" hand gesture. a quick showing of the palm to let you know "ive just wasted 15 minutes of your life. hows it feel fucker".
We all know old people are crazy. however i cant stop laughing whenever i see one of them driving with the priceless expression ---> :shock: the look of "am i having a heart attack or gas"
heres a standard day for an old person driving.
" :shock: ok, im doing 25 mph-JESUS WATCH OUT........ damn tree looked like it could of fallen on me. ok........ almost back home..... dont fall asleep yet......... :shock: stayin awaaaaaake :shock: staying awaaaaaaaake, i remember back in the war (drops to 10 mph) charlie was all over the place and all i had was a bullet to throw at the germans (HONK) JESUS (swerves) :shock: (back up to 25 mph) these god dammed hippies, always in a rush to smoke their weeds"
they honestly shouldnt be allowed to drive. if you cant keep from shitting your own pants you shouldnt be in control of anything more than one of those tonka power wheel things you get your 2 year old at toys r us. if old people drove those they would be going to perfect 5 mph speed for them and when they hit someone else it would just leaves a small bruise. then they could talk about it over some ovaltine.
well im sure this is a topic we can all relate too. Old people driving. just the thought of it makes me wanna put a cardboard cut out of the grim reaper in front of retirement homes so the old people are too scared to come out of their rooms. but unfortunitly, the damn social workers keep removing the cutouts. assholes. Sure its fun when you go there and you feel like your in the village of the living damned, whether it be the old man pooping his pants in the corner, or the old man with the 80 degree wheel chair so he's leaning back so far he cant get out, or maybe even when the old people chime in around dinner time about how to roast beef looks like their privates and how the mashpotatos look like they came from their privates. yes, the glory that is the nursing home.
Now some of you may wonder why i have a problem with old people driving. those of you who are thinking this are idiots. old people should not drive, if you cant order a pizza dont drive a car. I always find myself clenching the steering wheel, turning red, and on the verge of breaking through the glass and beating the old person with their own walker, as i watch them make a 15 minute U-turn that consists of them going forward three inches, then stopping, checking the mirrors and reversing three inches, stopping, checking the mirrors. and obviously they arent paying attention to the mirrors or they would see the line of cars stopped waiting for them to turn. at this point, probably to fine tune their concentration, they turn off the hearing aids........ brilliant. now blind and deaf the old person is more likily to avoid any accidents while continueing their three inch rampage of a U-turn. After they have finally turned the car enough where they feel they can make a clean get away you get the infamous "ok. im done" hand gesture. a quick showing of the palm to let you know "ive just wasted 15 minutes of your life. hows it feel fucker".
We all know old people are crazy. however i cant stop laughing whenever i see one of them driving with the priceless expression ---> :shock: the look of "am i having a heart attack or gas"
heres a standard day for an old person driving.
" :shock: ok, im doing 25 mph-JESUS WATCH OUT........ damn tree looked like it could of fallen on me. ok........ almost back home..... dont fall asleep yet......... :shock: stayin awaaaaaake :shock: staying awaaaaaaaake, i remember back in the war (drops to 10 mph) charlie was all over the place and all i had was a bullet to throw at the germans (HONK) JESUS (swerves) :shock: (back up to 25 mph) these god dammed hippies, always in a rush to smoke their weeds"
they honestly shouldnt be allowed to drive. if you cant keep from shitting your own pants you shouldnt be in control of anything more than one of those tonka power wheel things you get your 2 year old at toys r us. if old people drove those they would be going to perfect 5 mph speed for them and when they hit someone else it would just leaves a small bruise. then they could talk about it over some ovaltine.