And you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor....

[Hooligan]

The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make yo! ur birth certificate a
worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."


and the best one . .


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're right, we
don't. ... Sign here."

[Jethro]

Just to let let youn all know NCIC/LEADS is a national based computer system. Not every Police Department a NCIC/LEADS computer, but thier dispatch does. We run people's SSN #'s and vehcile registrations through it to see if you have valid license or of you have warrants, it also tell if a car is stolen from anywhere in the US. I can also pull up your driver license pic's if I have your info.

But if your caught missinf using NCIC/LEADS, it's a 10000.00 fine and some jail time!

[Hooligan]

huh?

[L1veUndead]

Lol!

[Nebula]

ouch... thats pretty funny

but I dont really get the last one, what is she signing? O_o the ticket?

you'll have to excuse my lack of police knowledge, for I try to avoid that situation as much as possible...

[Crayola]

Marriage papers?

[Sammie]

but I dont really get the last one, what is she signing? O_o the ticket?...

yea she was signing the ticket. i think he's inferring that she may be pretty but she's stupid. stupid enough to believe that cops wont ticket a hawt chick

i thought the funniest was #6

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

[MiddleFinger]

The cop was implying that the woman wasn't pretty. sheesh...

[Sammie]

ha!

ok i can see that too

perspective, its relative

[Larynth]

My all time favorites are...

1) A friend called a cop an asshole, to which the cop replied "keep it up and I'll add another charge for beligerant behavior." My friend asks "well can you charge me for thinking you are an asshole?" The cop trying not to get too pissed replied "no, unfortunately I can't" My friend said " good, then I think you are an asshole"

2) The same friend in court for his 3rd divorce didn't much like the judge giving his wife nearly half of everything told the judge " Congratulations your honor you just legalised prostitution in Florida" The judge rather pissed replied " Sir I find you in contempt of court, and fine you $500.00" To which my friend replied " Shit $500.00 doesn't begin to show the contempt I have for this court you pimp." The judge smiled and said " Well how about 60 days in county jail and another $1,000.00 fine." My friend straitened up at the jailtime "Yessir I think that just about does it"

Strange as it seems I swear to God these are true stories and the guy is an Eye surgeon.

[Hooligan]

Even smart people do stupid things.